I know I have been saying this many times over but I have no idea if it ever did went in.
And I know it doesnt matter to you anymore. But it's like something that's bugging me all the time until now. It's not about you but just me to feel that way. Such things will just keep floating in my brain until I just pour it all out.

I'm sorry for the things I said that hurt. I know I didnt mean to hurt anyone..

But I really hope you could do one last thing for me.. just tell me it's ok,
You are ok with everything. And I guess that will really stop bugging me..

I just hope we can be cool............... but seeing how things turned out for you.
All looks great. i dont think I should even bring this up at all to remind and ruin anything good.....

N so once again I hope I can keep it in me and not do anything weird.
People tell me you wont give any shit. so I was thinking more of doing it for myself actually... so it wont bug me that often that actually I asked for it...

I really wish that I am not so used to crying alone at home all by myself.

I only realised this fact when I read others' blog and heard from my friends saying that they will cry on their partner's lap and just the thought of it is really very comforting. 

The only times I cried near others was during JC period...
1. In front of chooqi cuz I was really too sad of my breakup to hold my tears in.
2. Behind joey when we go back home from watching fireworks. Becuz I know it would be the last time we will ever be out alone together.
3. When I got my results during JC, I also cried cuz I just felt really sad suddenly that everything going to end like that.

And out of the 3 times,  I think only chooqi comforted me.. cuz I sort of cried the whole way on the train ride home and she was the only 1 there.
2. Dont know he even noticed I was sobbing behind..
3. I dont even rmb what happened anyway oh well.

when can I ever feel genuinely thankful for having someone around me? Or is it because I keep too much to myself? But I am really used to that unless someone is really damn fucking interested to know... but even so I think I will just kep rattling on and on and bore people out. :(

Now I really wish I can find the courage... to break down in someone's arms.

since I last dream..... and yet once I did, I dreamt of him!!!
It was a happy dream... but still only a dream
haiz :| omg not a good sign at all. T_T


on the other hand, i also dreamt of another fren getting a gf.

but in reality, the 2 longest couples i know broke up...
my cousin.. but i think for tt one is a blessing since that guy is kinda huge control freak...
my fren who i met during v day..... yea he's devastated. the girl is attached le. he was still thinking of jio-ing her back.

How would you feel if your grandfaher crys to you over the phone because he is so worried and sad to see his daughter, your mum is working way too hard and doing midnight shifts until she's become so tired over the years?

 My grandfather is so old already.. and yet he have to tell me since my mum is not home, to go to him if there is any financial problem...

But problem is I don't think we have any serious financial problem at all. And I don't know what to tell him.

I cannot stop crying when I heard him sobbing over the phone. He asks me to pray to Jesus all the time even though im not a christian. But if I do, the only thing I will ever ask for is to get a good job soon. 

:( Please let something good happen soon.

Will it be even worth to know what's wrong? It's not as if I think I did something wrong. But I hate it when people just shut up and not talk about it/ not be straightforward about something. Makes me think that it doesn't matter at all. To be more specific, I'm sick of always taking the first move and then proving it a waste of time.

I've decided on tumblr :X

frostnberries.tumblr.com :)))

loll finally got to meet up with my friend who I haven met for like damn freaking long and lost touch for quite long too.. today in school.

hahahha he damn outgoing larh. My ex pen pal (Cuz last time we both really liked writing letters to each other after 1st 3 mths hahahha damn old school. )
So anyway, I got a paper flower from him lol he and his gf made them to sell for vday hahaha. :D I'm gonna keep it ^-^ happy got such flower cuz it's from a long time friend who lost touch and yet so willing to meet up with me :D :D (Must be see me no date lol)
We have been talking about meeting up since last sem... but only now then materialise.

And somehow he made me feel a lil more sad that it is actually my last sem....
i kinda regret not doing many things. And unfortunately I always regret on such things last minute... hahaha. (Don't know why I restrict myself so much.......) So anyway yea... it's sad we don't have other common friends / no clique. But yea I actally don't mind joining others' clique...

To me, maybe it will just be awkward for me.. to stick out suddenly so extra...
But I like seeing people who know each other for ages get together.....
Ok I like seeing people get together I think lol.

Cuz when I saw cp's and his gf at ecp pic, I was happy also hehehhe the girl pretty ^^
(hahah honestly I tried to search in myself for any slight bit of... I don't know negative feelings... but seriously none. Am I weird.... it's normal right ? lol )
But yea people will think that I'm being sour or something, being sacarstic if I went to like the status or pictures or say congrats!! (When I really meant it) lol so ok won't do stupid things to make people misunderstand.. again. hahahaha.

Oh there was something else which was really ^^ when I saw it. My friend and his long time gf GOT ENGAGED hahaha (Ex colleague to be precise) wow. hahaha. They are like one of the longest lasting couples I know... hahaha.

Oh actually I don't have much friends who are attached OR who are attached for short period of time.. WHICH IS A GOOD THING lol. *feel so blessed for them* Oh which reminds me this april I need to go attend a wedding......... my ex-boss who's kinda insistent on us going... *A bit reluctant... but hahaha it's something happy*

ANYWAYS.
Was waiting for my friend for lunch today and started looking through my own fb profile... AND THEN i finally realised NO ONE HAVE BEEN REPLYING TO THE MULTIPLE STUFF i have been posting despite tagging people.. All these while posting through the news tab.. that I didnt really do a spotcheck. :X *grumbles*

My clique's response:
- sw don't understand what I post
- sp: Still my only fan.  GOT WATCH MY VIDS n Secretly find them funny like I do but not going official with that. lollll
- Ray: such chou shi cannot publicise

OMG. -.- I am so going to hide for a while. No more tagging people le. I shall just stick with posting my own awesome vids. hmpf. lol

*Ok yea the title says in all and hahahha it's not a very proud thing since it's just virtual friends... Real life friends in youtube count = 0 hahahaha. ADD ME STARRYFRIENDS lol.

ANYWAYZZZ.
In ya mellow tones 5 compilation of hip hop jazz is out whoohoooo. It's seriously one of the most underrated albums ever. (I guess I've mentioned before)

(Ok back to youtube) Som artists actually requested to add me on YouTube!!!!!! Haaaa (maybe it's random ,but I still feel kinda elated lol. I never was into those pop-fan craze during my sec sch/JC days.. so I'm finally understanding how those crazy fans of Kpop n whatsoever band felt when their fav singers acknowledge them hahahahha .geez I can't believe this coming from me lol.)

ohoh and Jason yang accepted my friend request!!!!!!!! Hahahahaha wow !
Oh but there were some artists who requested but I'm not interested in their music :x
(lol I even have a choice hahaha somehow it feels good)

Oh n after having more confidence from YouTube, I tried to add Goon Trax on fb Lol . Not because im a fan-stalker but because there are no pages for me to like and I found his profile instead haha. Oh Goon trax is does compilation of in ya mellow tones :)) (http://www.amazon.co.jp/YA-MELLOW-TONE-5/dp/B003SUP17Q/ref=pd_sim_m_4)